St. John Nepomucene

We are called to move from Selective Hearing
to Deeper Forms of Listening
 

A couple was seeing a marriage counselor for the first time.  They painfully stated their miscommunication over the years.  The counselor listened, directed questions to them and let them know after forty-five minutes in his office that he believed their marriage could not only be saved, but actually strengthened.  The couple leaned in, at first not believing what they were hearing.  “The main challenge both of you face”, said the therapist, “is selective hearing.  You are so tuned into your own agendas that you seem unwilling or unable to hear the other person.  And in not hearing each other, you create problems faster than you can solve them.”
 
The challenge of selective hearing is a challenge that we face in our relationship with God and others.  In the encounter with the other person, we need to let go of our agendas, our thoughts, our plans for the moment and embrace deeper forms of listening.
 
Our relationship to God is described in terms of a marriage relationship in the Scriptures.  We are being called to go beyond the letter of the law to deeper forms of participation.  Rather than focusing on only external behavior that is wrong, Jesus pinpoints what is behind the external behavior, what leads to the external behavior.  For example, in marriage, a couple can be faithful to each other on the external level.  But they are called to do much more.  They are called to work on their relationship on a daily basis in growing closer to God and to one another.
 
If we look at two items in this discourse perhaps we can choose anger and reconciliation. 
 
Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said to those in ancient times, you shall not murder; and whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.  But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment, and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say You Fool!, you will be liable to the hell of fire.”  Jesus is asking us to become aware of the internal thoughts and feelings of anger when they first arise and to deal with them so we do not commit murder; or we can say on lesser levels so we do not say and do things that are hurtful and unkind.
 
Jesus says to His followers, “So then, if you are bringing your offering to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and be reconciled with your brother first, and then come back and present your offering.”
 
Reconciliation is always the goal.  If we have a difficult relationship, it is good to bring that relationship to prayer.  When it comes to reconciliation, God makes the first gesture with us in sending His Son to become one of us and to ultimately die for our sins on the Cross.  The Cross is a symbol of reconciliation.  It was painful for Christ; the first step or the first gesture may be difficult for us to make.  But like Christ, we are called to take the first step of make the first gesture.  Ask God, what am I being called to say or to do?  It may take time for the answer to come.  But pray for openness for you and the other person to embrace deeper levels of understanding and listening.  Hopefully, this will result in traveling new paths in our relationships with God and one another.